Searria H.

Hello there, YellowAeroplane! I think you're off to a good start here. :) The first thing I notice is that you have a lot of really short sentences, which makes ...

Haha! Thanks, Bunny. It chokes me up too, but for a different reason. ;) Of course it makes sense to me because I know the surrounding context. Sorry about that. ...

Hey, Bunny! You know I love you're writing, and you are very eloquent. :) I love the first and last few sentences. It gives us just enough confusion to kindle ...

Like everyone else, I adored this piece. I don't think there's anything wrong with your first sentence. It sets the tone of the piece wonderfully. I think just starting with ...

In agreement with purplepen, I would suggest you post only two or three chapters at a time, depending on the length. With such a long post, readers tend not to ...

Hi there! This was a very interesting piece, and I look forward to reading further. :D I agree with what previous reviewers have said, but I have a few nitpicks ...

Eww...*slips on a pool of liquid and is dragged backwards as Firestalker loses his balance and flies forward. Throws a basket full of cashews at Firestalker, some of which hit ...

*getting, hungry, finds a finds a peach in the refrigerator, and while eating, attacks Firestalker with a pear cactus.* Ha! That's teach you to sneak up behind me!(It is edible, ...

*ducks under a table and trips Firestalker with a freakishly long, wet spaghetti noodle.* -Sea-

Alright. This was a nice poem, but I do have a few nitpicks. :D I'm going to go through it stanza by stanza. Heart Thumping, Terrifying, What can I do ...

*screams and starts shooting tomatoes at Firestalker.* -Sea-

Eww, cola, flour and chick peas: not a good combonation. *Unleashes the wrath of canned green beans on everyone* -Sea-

*sneaks up behind Irish and overturns a bowl of shredded chicken on head* -Sea-

*dodges the doughnuts and, wiping cake away from her eyes, slaps C and Firestalker simultaneously with logs of sausage.* -Sea-

*depending on the pie, either starts eating it, or runs around looking for a towel* *Throws peppermints at everyone for the sake of the holiday spirit* -Sea-